Rum Holiday
Beyond The Stockade There Is Chaos And Nothingness


Wednesday, June 18, 2003  

FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF JEREMY BENTHAM'S HEAD UPON FINDING ITSELF ENCLOSED WITHIN A LUGGAGE LOCKER IN A RAILWAY STATION IN ABERDEEN

Part 2: Duration

(For Part 1, see June 9)

Blink! Bliiiiiiiiiiink...ah, goddamn it!

Oh, now that's just FANTASTIC. I haven't had an itch in my nose since 1930. At least I knew I was allergic to grass but this...it's the GODDAMNED LIGHT SHINING IN MY EYES.

Shit, shit, shit. Oh I need to sneeze.

A sneeze would be so lovely right now. Oh, torment! Why that blasted Smith chose NOT to pack my nostrils with wax I'll now never know, though if the fool had just followed the instructions in the first place I wouldn't be in this predicament. How hard was it, really Southwood? One, remove head. Two, drain of excess fluid. Three, reshape with expression of infinite wisdom. Four, dehydrate at seventy-six Celsius. NOT ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY SIX. Fool!

Oh and you were certain, my friend, that that dreadful wax likeness would make up for your inconceivable incompetence! "Good as new!" you said. Well let me tell you something: Don't imagine I'm not aware that the sketch you provided to the sculptor was the one that we specifically discussed as representing my nose as being larger than it really was. I always intended to destroy that sketch and you knew it! A little joke on old Jeremy, was it? Buffoon.

This infernal itching! I wish for the devil to seize up this head and dash it against the firey brimstone walls of hell! I wish for a large insect to crawl up my nostril and root about! I wish to be thrown into the Channel and gnawed by hagfish!

And another thing, since we are on the subject. Don't you think I didn't notice how quickly you quite conveniently disregarded my specific request for a yearly gathering of my disciples in the presence of the Auto-Icon. I am quite aware that I stated "if they so be disposed", but you, Southwood, were quite aware that this was not intended to be optional. You never made a proper effort. And when you did make any sort of effort at all, I want you to be aware that I WHOLLY DISAPPROVE of the contemptuous tone you affected in your voice when announcing "a gathering for the purpose of commemorating the founder of the greatest happiness system of morals and legislation". What exactly was it you were trying to say, Southwood?

This latest agony has only served to shine a bright light (ho! ho!) upon your supreme ineptness, and my only wish for you is that you find yourself buried to your neck in a deep pit of crawling, stinging creatures of all nasty sorts for eternity.

Oh, blast. Perhaps I can roll a bit to the right...


posted by [AOK] | 2:49 PM


Tuesday, June 17, 2003  

Tomorrow (probably):

The Head is bored and just itchin' for...


Well, let's just say it's itchin'.

posted by [AOK] | 4:44 PM


Monday, June 16, 2003  

IN MEMORIUM

Orlando "Bobby" Palladino, d. 6/13/03

I don't presume to be able to say anything insightful or meaningful about this or, frankly, about him. I knew him only through the circumstance of his relationship with my sister-in-law over the past several years. Bobby was already there by the time I met my husband's family, his role established but his status precarious. He was a vibrant personality who often seemed simultaneously at ease and self-conscious, a character so clearly out of his element at times that we couldn't help but be charmed by his good natured way of trying to figure it all out.

My sister-in-law had recently ended the relationship so I can't say for certain that we ever would have seen him again, regardless. And I can't really say I knew him. He was apparently a complicated man, in ways that are different from the ways that complicate my own life. I was nevertheless fond of him, which is why I wanted to say something, somewhere, to someone who might read it, because there isn't anything else to do.

Peace to his family and all those who loved him.

posted by [AOK] | 11:40 AM
hook me up
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